Kallie, Week 16: A Healthy Dose of Shame
Think back to an embarrassing moment in your life. Perhaps you said something foolish in front of a crowd. Or maybe—as I did recently—you weren’t paying attention and walked into the wrong classroom.
When you think about this incident, do you still feel a creeping sense of shame linger over you? Or do you not think much of it? Or perhaps you’ve successfully wiped the memory of any unfortunate incidents from your brain entirely.
To some extent, there’s value in remembering our most shameful moments. If the source of our embarrassment is our own actions, then oftentimes there’s a lesson to be learned there. It serves our best interests to learn from our mistakes, even if the memory is an unpleasant one.
At the same time, it does you little good to unnecessarily expend energy dwelling for too long in the past. There is little point in spending too much time regretting what cannot be changed, as it only contributes to your misery and ultimately achieves nothing other than feeding into self-pity and preventing you from moving on and improving yourself.
There’s a careful balance to be struck here: on one hand, you don’t want to become stuck in the past to the point where it is detrimental to your ability to grow; and on the other, you don’t want to completely ignore lessons that can be learned from the past. Additionally, the choice of lesson you take away from embarrassing memories is important; the last thing you want is to allow the fear of shame to prevent you from stepping out of your comfort zone.
Shame, like many things in life, is best experienced and utilized in moderation.
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Hi Kallie! I enjoyed reading your very timely and introspective blog for our final week in blogging cohorts. When reading your startling, but very relatable, first line I was flooded with numerous flashbacks: overspeaking in an interview, accidentally cursing in front of my friend’s parents, and numerous other scenarios. However, while looking back on these experiences I feel I learned many things coming out of these uncomfortable times. I agree with your statement that it is necessary for you to experience these embarrassing moments in order to grow as a person. One example of this for me was during an interview, my interviewer asked me a very simple question and after about 30 seconds he cut me off with a simple statement “You are the average not the sum of what you say.” Although the moment was very embarrassing, I was able to learn brevity is one of the most important qualities in the real world. However, I also agree with your assessment that it is also necessary not to dwell on these experiences. There is no benefit to letting one moment in your life. As Seneca said: “A man who suffers before it is necessary.” Thank you for sharing your experiences with our blog group for the second semester!
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