Julia, Week 13 - The Unfinished Document

12/26/23.


For a time, this was a date that I refused to remember. I mean, there’s no way the day right after Christmas would be of any relevance, right?


Or, at least, that’s what I wanted myself to imagine. But I knew that it was more than just the mundane Tuesday day that took place after an awfully uneventful Christmas celebration when I recently came across an untitled Google document with that same date written as the first sentence.


Last year, my faith in my religion was quite strong. There were many times where I would rely on it in order to provide my life with many delightful events, (events which I will always be thankful for every time I look back on them as of now.) And ignoring all the strict restrictions and expectations that one would usually abide by and accept as a devout follower of any religion, I held the “Catholic” title with flexibility.


Of course, I’ve encountered many setbacks that caused me to despise my religion many times before, but there was something about 12/26/23 that made me want to avoid being associated with anything related to Catholicism...


The Google document I wrote on that day started off as what appeared to be a diary entry. It was obvious that I had a strong passion for writing as well, each sentence of that entry taking inspiration from many talented writers who often wrote their sentimental feelings away.


Reading the document has led me on a flashback journey that started on my family’s Christmas visit to our usual church and ended abruptly on an argument I had with my parents the following day. While I don’t wish to further clarify why this argument happened, my parents’ choice to brush off my struggles by simply telling me that “I wasn’t praying enough” has ultimately led me to come to an abrupt stop in my loyalty to my religion.


And that’s where the document came to an end, too.


It’s honestly funny looking back at this unfinished document now. I knew very well that I wanted this document to be seen by at least someone other than me. But this memory had left me no choice but to bury it under my schoolwork until I would eventually come across it again and potentially write about it on a future blog. 


Even until now, my passion for writing has definitely not been as strong as it used to be. Expressing my feelings became stale. Being loyal to something that would only lead other people to judge me based on my own degree to that loyalty was overall not worth it in my eyes.


I can only hope that one of these days, when I’m ready, that I could revisit this memory and try to fix what has been left behind and find the joy in the things that I used to be so passionate about.


December 25, or Christmas Day, a day that I have started to grow a disinterest in after many years of looking forward to it.






Comments

  1. Kallie KuangMarch 27, 2024 at 9:42 PM

    Hi, Julia. Thank you for sharing what is clearly a deeply personal experience to you. I hope you will one day be able to find resolution, and rekindle your joy for things that were evidently beloved to you.

    I find it interesting that you bring up how it seems unlikely that "the day right after Christmas would be of any relevance," as it is a reminder of the multitude of human experiences. A mundane day for one person could be an especially significant one for someone else, or even a person's best or worst day.

    Additionally, I find your unwillingness to remember that particular day to be a relatable one, and others likely do as well. It's a common coping tactic to simply avoid whatever is causing us distress, which can prevent us from healing. Of course, it's not necessarily the best course of action to force ourselves to confront past traumas if we're not ready for it.

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